Three Jokes from 🌿Leaves

Looking for a laugh this morning?

I did not create these. I am just sharing them because they are favorites of mine, and because I know you can use a laugh today.

A skeleton walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “ What’ll it be?”

The skeleton answers, “ Bring me a beer. And a mop.”

A sheep farmer in Scotland has a brilliant dog. He asks the dog, “Weel, Angus, an’ how many sheep did ye bring in the day?

The dog says, “ I brought in thirty.”

“Wait … thirty?” says the farmer. “I thought we had only twenty-eight.”

The dog says, “I rounded up.”

A census taker comes to a small cabin in the mountainous backwoods somewhere in the American south. “Good morning, ma’am,” he says. “I am from the US Census Bureau and I would like to know how many people live in this house - their names and ages, please.

“Well”, she says. I am Susan Macrae and I am 35. My husband, Jim, is 37. There’s the twins, Annie and Danny, they’s 10. There’s the twins, Billie and Millie, they’s 8. Then there’s Mary and Terry, they’s 5. And the babies, Patty and Matty, they’s 2.”

The man looks up from his notes. “Wait a minute, ma’am, do you mean to say that you got twins every time?”

The woman laughs. “ Oh Lord, no! They’s hunnerds of times we didn’t git nothin!”