Who's a Good Boy?
A rescue dog's promise
I promise to be a good boy.
• to never take a piece of buttered toast off of the table … unless I think nobody else wants it,
• to stay off your bed … except for sometimes,
• to not lick up the cat’s food bowl … when you are looking,
• to always come when you call me … even at the beach.
• to not dig up your geraniums … unless I need to catch a gopher,
• to never beg for people-food … except maybe once in a while,
• to stop barking at the postman … because now he brings me treats,
• to fetch the old tennis ball over and over … and over and over.
• to be gentle with babies … even if they step on my feet and climb all over me,
• to growl only when it’s necessary to protect you … from smaller dogs,
• to never tip over the kitchen garbage can … unless you leave me alone for the entire day and I get bored,
• to eat any kind of food you want to give me … any time, guaranteed
• to not bark when you leave me home alone … except it’s hard when I’m afraid that you’re never, ever coming back,
• to not jump up on visitors and lick them … unless they look very glad to see me,
• to willingly take a bath … if I think I need one,
• to stop shedding all over the car seat … though I am not sure how to do that.
Whether you are young or old, man or woman, gay or straight, fat or thin, Muslim or Christian, I will be loyal to you.
Whether you are beautiful or homely, black or white, rich or poor, sick or healthy, republican or democrat, I will love you unconditionally.
Because I am a good boy, and if you are kind to me, that is all that matters.
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