Redemption
Who else would sift through the sorry debris of his life? ( TWO VERSIONS: 50 words and 150 words)
I have experimented with a 50-word version and a 150-word version of this prose poem. I shared the 50-word version on Fifties by the Fire, a writing challenge sponsored by
.Which version tells the story best for you — the 50 or the 150?
Broken
Leaving no footprints, he stumbles, blindly groping his way through a mental wilderness — a sting of brambles, a dark stain of fear, a longing that breaks his shivering bones.
Yet through all his pain, he feels the pull of a fine, strong thread, and knows she’ll rescue him once again.
Redemption
He’s vanished again, leaving no footprints. He staggers and stumbles, blindly groping his way through a mental wilderness — a sting of brambles, a dark stain of fear, a longing that breaks his shivering bones.
Yet through all his pain, he feels the pull of a fine, strong thread, and he knows that she will come. I ‘ll reach for you, she’d promised. I’ll not rest until I find you. I will guide you back every time, because I love you.
Now he dangles again above the blade of profound despair. She whispers his name over and over, calling to him softly, pulling him free. Who else would sift through the sorry debris of his life and awaken the good that is in him? She’s the only one.
Everyone tells her, just let him go! You can’t help. He’s beyond salvation. But she’s his redeemer, and she will not give ground.
I love both versions, Sharron! In this instance I like the 150-worder more by a sliver because it adds an extra dimension to the story, and it shows how far she is willing to go in an effort to save him.
Also, I enjoy when you share different versions of the same story. It opens up a fun dialogue! And thanks as always for the shoutout, my friend.
Describing your talent with words eclipses my talents with words. 🙏