Well-shared, Sharron, and it helps others to understand. Next week my younger brother would have turned 60. My thoughts right now are on where we lived in Algiers where he was born, and I am grieving his loss as well as the loss of my childhood experiences at the time he was born....I understand.
I'm not a believer in the phrases 'Time heals all wounds' or 'You'll get over it'. Having lost both parents, I don't want to get over it. They have places in my heart that I visit from time to time, hugging my grief, remembering their voices and moments in time that we shared.
This past Tuesday, a dear friend died. Cancer. She lost her hair and eventually her life, but she kept her spirit until the end. So thank you for your post today. It's a good reminder that, at some point, grief visits us all.
Never had this emotion for people. Many have died or wandered off. I might never have had that connection with a person. Periphery beings. Nothing to do about any of it, so "ok" and get on with what I was doing. I have had this feeling of grief over cats because they become my children and soul mates. Our lives are meshed. Orange wandered off when infants Hansel and Gretl came. I looked for him for years... every tan grocery bag floating in a farm field Coulda-mighta been him. Lots of mud on my shoes. KittyGrey came to me wild with massive infection that took months to fix. Fabulous friend ))) After many years of happy life together he came down with "saddle clots" that attack blood supply to legs. It WAs horrid. No possible cure so we said good by gentlest way. He kissed me goodby. Years ago. I still cry when I think of him. Tears now. His name still finds its way into the litany of supper calls. 6 dishes get ready automaticaly and I have to put one back on the shelf. Can't even think I will still breathe if my darlin Dan leaves earth before I do. I think I prepare, but that will be the big one.
"If the grief eases at all, it is only because we learn to make a place for it in our lives, we give it a home." - I believe this is true. Very nice, Sharron!
In my case, Lynda’s passing was inevitable due to her disease and was a blessing for her and for me. I fill my grief with memories of our good times and her great times. It is a great comfort to me.
Sending so so very much love, Sharron. I can't even imagine. I don't want to. I can't bear it. My parents are - and thank God, still are - everything. 🌹
I'm so glad you shared this post today. Thank you.
Sharon, this part of the story hit me like a bomb.... I" know of a man who suddenly lost his family. His wife and children, whom he had treasured, suddenly deserted him. Desperately trying to understand why it happened, he’s waiting for the grief to abate so he can get on with living. I wish I could tell him that grief goes away, but it doesn’t. Why should it? Love and grief are always hand in hand. Whether your loved one chooses to go away or if they are taken, it is all the same. Where there is love there is always potential for great loss, and for grief."
Grief never really goes away, especially when it emerges from a stab in the back that comes out of nowhere. I knew a man who suffered this blow and he lasted for exactly 2 years before he shot himself in the head. I'm trying not to do the same...
The Ancient Greeks produced a ton of writings about this predicament.... that's why I've stopped reading them.
We each process our love and loss differently. Your honest expression of your loss helps me to better understand that. I thank you for this opening of your heart. For some, it is the loss of a loved one that brings the big question of, 'What does it all mean?' .... I tend to think of this as, 'Where do we come from and where do we go?' Certainly, a mother's passing can open that door of wonder. With time, I have learned to separate the passing of the loved one from the big question, if only to allow myself to remember the sweetness of the good times shared. It helps.
I have this idea that each of us has that special love in our lives - maybe it is a Kate says "your soulmate, and when they die it is a loss like no others. When my parents and brother died - I was sad but life went on. With Dan's death - the loss has been so much more. It does seem to be a matter of making a place for it in our hearts and thinking of it as continued way of loving the person. That is a lovely idea to hold onto - thank you. And thank you for the special post . . . it means so very much to me
Grief Encounter
I lost my dad on Sep 10, 2012.
And what you wrote in this essay echoes my own thought about both losing him and grieving for him.
Thank you for sharing this.
Well-shared, Sharron, and it helps others to understand. Next week my younger brother would have turned 60. My thoughts right now are on where we lived in Algiers where he was born, and I am grieving his loss as well as the loss of my childhood experiences at the time he was born....I understand.
I'm not a believer in the phrases 'Time heals all wounds' or 'You'll get over it'. Having lost both parents, I don't want to get over it. They have places in my heart that I visit from time to time, hugging my grief, remembering their voices and moments in time that we shared.
This past Tuesday, a dear friend died. Cancer. She lost her hair and eventually her life, but she kept her spirit until the end. So thank you for your post today. It's a good reminder that, at some point, grief visits us all.
Never had this emotion for people. Many have died or wandered off. I might never have had that connection with a person. Periphery beings. Nothing to do about any of it, so "ok" and get on with what I was doing. I have had this feeling of grief over cats because they become my children and soul mates. Our lives are meshed. Orange wandered off when infants Hansel and Gretl came. I looked for him for years... every tan grocery bag floating in a farm field Coulda-mighta been him. Lots of mud on my shoes. KittyGrey came to me wild with massive infection that took months to fix. Fabulous friend ))) After many years of happy life together he came down with "saddle clots" that attack blood supply to legs. It WAs horrid. No possible cure so we said good by gentlest way. He kissed me goodby. Years ago. I still cry when I think of him. Tears now. His name still finds its way into the litany of supper calls. 6 dishes get ready automaticaly and I have to put one back on the shelf. Can't even think I will still breathe if my darlin Dan leaves earth before I do. I think I prepare, but that will be the big one.
Thank you for sharing this Sharron. It's difficult to talk about but it's helpful to those of us who may be going through the same thing.
"If the grief eases at all, it is only because we learn to make a place for it in our lives, we give it a home." - I believe this is true. Very nice, Sharron!
I’m so sorry you feel grief this way!
In my case, Lynda’s passing was inevitable due to her disease and was a blessing for her and for me. I fill my grief with memories of our good times and her great times. It is a great comfort to me.
Sending so so very much love, Sharron. I can't even imagine. I don't want to. I can't bear it. My parents are - and thank God, still are - everything. 🌹
I'm so glad you shared this post today. Thank you.
Sharon, this part of the story hit me like a bomb.... I" know of a man who suddenly lost his family. His wife and children, whom he had treasured, suddenly deserted him. Desperately trying to understand why it happened, he’s waiting for the grief to abate so he can get on with living. I wish I could tell him that grief goes away, but it doesn’t. Why should it? Love and grief are always hand in hand. Whether your loved one chooses to go away or if they are taken, it is all the same. Where there is love there is always potential for great loss, and for grief."
Grief never really goes away, especially when it emerges from a stab in the back that comes out of nowhere. I knew a man who suffered this blow and he lasted for exactly 2 years before he shot himself in the head. I'm trying not to do the same...
The Ancient Greeks produced a ton of writings about this predicament.... that's why I've stopped reading them.
We each process our love and loss differently. Your honest expression of your loss helps me to better understand that. I thank you for this opening of your heart. For some, it is the loss of a loved one that brings the big question of, 'What does it all mean?' .... I tend to think of this as, 'Where do we come from and where do we go?' Certainly, a mother's passing can open that door of wonder. With time, I have learned to separate the passing of the loved one from the big question, if only to allow myself to remember the sweetness of the good times shared. It helps.
Ah Sharron,
I have this idea that each of us has that special love in our lives - maybe it is a Kate says "your soulmate, and when they die it is a loss like no others. When my parents and brother died - I was sad but life went on. With Dan's death - the loss has been so much more. It does seem to be a matter of making a place for it in our hearts and thinking of it as continued way of loving the person. That is a lovely idea to hold onto - thank you. And thank you for the special post . . . it means so very much to me