Hi Sharron. I really liked this! I didn't see this one before I sent my note about Love Rise. I see your process here. Thank you.
I like the 50-word version better, but both are fantastic snippets into the life of someone ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. I think you clear away the "fluff," so wonderfully appointed in the longer version, with precision, and I am struck with a sense of longing and hope in the Fifty version, that is not so assured in the longer one. I rave about both - well, well done, but I'll remember the Fifty with more clarity. Thank you so much.
I enjoyed both versions, but I like the longer one, because it painted a more detailed picture in my mind. I do hear her voice, echoing from the past, from the pasture to her later years. Very sweet, Sharron.
Hi Sharron, I am going to cheat and say I love both versions. The fifty-word version is so well done in the challenging world of a very limited word count. The last sentence is the key. Vague and all encompassing, as it must be, but it also closes the story. My personal preference would be the longer version because of the scene you painted with the extra words, with her singing under the tree with her enthralled audience circled around her. Leading them home and a glimpse into that home. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.
Both are so good. I think I like the 50-worder more as it sets the stage for us to participate. To wonder about the back story and fill in the details. On the other hand, the longer version paints the actual picture. Thank you!
They are both very well written. The first one lets the reader add their own perception of the story and where it might lead. The second one gives the reader insight into the young woman and her dreams.
I like them both, but the second one reached out to me more than the first.
I like the longer version better because we know she makes it as a successful singer! And with her change of name, she probably sheds a lot of the trauma of having been the responsible caretaker of the household at such a young age.
I have no contact with cows except as ornaments in the fields next door. They are alternately there, not there. No apparent human involvement. Zero knowledge of their mental facilities. Interesting that music is a signal to go home. Learn something every day.
Cows chew cuds. The longer version needs more digestion through the fodder. The fifty words shoots shotgun blast that hits a target, with a few pellets but does not have the power to bring down big game.
I love both versions. I like how Jim framed it: they both serve their own purpose. Honestly, after reading his comment in its entirety, my sentiment is very similar. So I’ll just say…what Jim said! The Fifty has my vote as well, but only by a hair.
I much preferred the second one. In 400 concise words, you fleshed out a simple, hopeful story with just enough information to let the reader know her present situation and what is to come that saves her. Excellent!
I’m a sucker for brevity. The 50-word piece works well and leaves the reader with a good question mark about the future. It’s always tricky to include enough relatable sensory images in such a short space…maybe why I’m better at the 100-word version. There’s your next challenge, Sharron. GO!
Hi Sharron. I really liked this! I didn't see this one before I sent my note about Love Rise. I see your process here. Thank you.
I like the 50-word version better, but both are fantastic snippets into the life of someone ordinary and extraordinary at the same time. I think you clear away the "fluff," so wonderfully appointed in the longer version, with precision, and I am struck with a sense of longing and hope in the Fifty version, that is not so assured in the longer one. I rave about both - well, well done, but I'll remember the Fifty with more clarity. Thank you so much.
This is a very hard choice! The shorter ones stands alone well, but the longer one gives depth and meaning.
I enjoyed both versions, but I like the longer one, because it painted a more detailed picture in my mind. I do hear her voice, echoing from the past, from the pasture to her later years. Very sweet, Sharron.
Hi Sharron, I am going to cheat and say I love both versions. The fifty-word version is so well done in the challenging world of a very limited word count. The last sentence is the key. Vague and all encompassing, as it must be, but it also closes the story. My personal preference would be the longer version because of the scene you painted with the extra words, with her singing under the tree with her enthralled audience circled around her. Leading them home and a glimpse into that home. I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.
Both are so good. I think I like the 50-worder more as it sets the stage for us to participate. To wonder about the back story and fill in the details. On the other hand, the longer version paints the actual picture. Thank you!
They are both very well written. The first one lets the reader add their own perception of the story and where it might lead. The second one gives the reader insight into the young woman and her dreams.
I like them both, but the second one reached out to me more than the first.
I like the longer version better because we know she makes it as a successful singer! And with her change of name, she probably sheds a lot of the trauma of having been the responsible caretaker of the household at such a young age.
I have no contact with cows except as ornaments in the fields next door. They are alternately there, not there. No apparent human involvement. Zero knowledge of their mental facilities. Interesting that music is a signal to go home. Learn something every day.
I see the 50 word version as an intro on the fly leaf of the book to come. Or as a tease for the movie.
Cows chew cuds. The longer version needs more digestion through the fodder. The fifty words shoots shotgun blast that hits a target, with a few pellets but does not have the power to bring down big game.
Both are beautifully written and serve their own purpose.
The 50 worder is delightful prose, a brief encounter that leaves the reader with a feeling and a few blanks to fill in.
The longer version supplies more information and introduces some conflicts that seem to be unresolved, perhaps the start of a longer story.
I love them both. I guess as a stand alone, I would go with the fabulous 50.
Thanks for this today, my friend.
I love both versions. I like how Jim framed it: they both serve their own purpose. Honestly, after reading his comment in its entirety, my sentiment is very similar. So I’ll just say…what Jim said! The Fifty has my vote as well, but only by a hair.
And thank you for mentioning Fifties by the Fire!
I like the longer version - it captured me more completely, which offered an interesting insight about my own writing.
I much preferred the second one. In 400 concise words, you fleshed out a simple, hopeful story with just enough information to let the reader know her present situation and what is to come that saves her. Excellent!
I’m a sucker for brevity. The 50-word piece works well and leaves the reader with a good question mark about the future. It’s always tricky to include enough relatable sensory images in such a short space…maybe why I’m better at the 100-word version. There’s your next challenge, Sharron. GO!