Thank you, Jim. Sometimes I reread old stories and have the feeling there are too many words, and they get in the way. I cut out a lot of stuff. Do you do that, too?
Yes, for sure. I tend to not reread because I know there will always be something I dislike or could phrase better but I usually leave them there and move on. I write stuff at night that I go to bed excited about and reread the next morning and decide to abandon. I have many more drafts than I have posts but I guess this is a part of the process. As I've said to you before, we are our own harshest critics.
Probably a lot of people. I often feel compelled to revise stories after a time. I was unsatisfied with the version of this story that I posted last September. I was not sure if this revised version had improved the story or not.
Wow! Good memory! Yes it did, but by the comments I received, I felt I didn't quite pull it off. It was confusing, so I changed it. Maybe I shouldn't have? The original version is still in the archive from Sept 2023. Should I go back and rethink?
Not read the original, but I liked this a lot Sharron (unsurprisingly :D)
I really like the lack of dialogue attribution. You don't need it. It gives it pace. The little details around the bar make this sing.
Casey’s was their old hangout, the place where he and Leon first met. Bruce still dropped in there two or three nights a week, hoping to run into him, accidentally. -- a lot from this line. Excellent.
Thank you, Nathan. I drag things out of the archive a lot and try to make them better. I've been on Substack for 32 months, writing two or three small pieces every week, so I would hope my writing is improving... I love your Brae story and all your little short singles.
OMG! It's a wonder we get together at all. Half an hour?????
For what it's worth, I like this version.
Oh, thank you Janice. I hoped it was improved. Thanks for reading it - again.
Oh! I recognized this story and although I liked it the first time I really like the new ending. Well done, my friend. Great dialog too.
Thank you, Jim. Sometimes I reread old stories and have the feeling there are too many words, and they get in the way. I cut out a lot of stuff. Do you do that, too?
Yes, for sure. I tend to not reread because I know there will always be something I dislike or could phrase better but I usually leave them there and move on. I write stuff at night that I go to bed excited about and reread the next morning and decide to abandon. I have many more drafts than I have posts but I guess this is a part of the process. As I've said to you before, we are our own harshest critics.
My vote is this one is the improved version. )))
This is better…. Illustrates the difficulty in understanding, admitting a mistake.
Yes. But the "guy talk"? What words/phrases did not seem authentic to you? I was just practicing here, writing from a different POV.
Another hit, Sharron. Loved the “guy” banter—fun, authentic. And loved your accompanying images. Happy Saturday!
Thanks, CJ. It was mostly an exercise in dialog. Hard to write from a man's point of view. I am never certain of the language they use..
LIKE this one ))) That's how some people are. Wanting but frozen.
Probably a lot of people. I often feel compelled to revise stories after a time. I was unsatisfied with the version of this story that I posted last September. I was not sure if this revised version had improved the story or not.
Interesting. Didn’t the original version have Leon in the bar saying those lines?
Wow! Good memory! Yes it did, but by the comments I received, I felt I didn't quite pull it off. It was confusing, so I changed it. Maybe I shouldn't have? The original version is still in the archive from Sept 2023. Should I go back and rethink?
Not read the original, but I liked this a lot Sharron (unsurprisingly :D)
I really like the lack of dialogue attribution. You don't need it. It gives it pace. The little details around the bar make this sing.
Casey’s was their old hangout, the place where he and Leon first met. Bruce still dropped in there two or three nights a week, hoping to run into him, accidentally. -- a lot from this line. Excellent.
Thank you, Nathan. I drag things out of the archive a lot and try to make them better. I've been on Substack for 32 months, writing two or three small pieces every week, so I would hope my writing is improving... I love your Brae story and all your little short singles.
Your output is most commendable, and the skill in your writing shows. Even writing once a week has been tremendous for me.
I thought the original was punchy. I liked it.
Makes me want to go compare :)