Maybe they will communicate with me again? One of the challenges of writing fiction - you never know when you've arrive at the end. Thanks for reading!
I had two wonderful photos from Kenneth Mills to start with. Had no idea where it was going. Sometimes I am, uh, shocked where it ends up. You know how it is.
I enjoyed it, and was a little disappointed i couldn't follow their adventure. I have questions! Let me know if you write new ones about the couple. Thanks!
How nice! Every man's dream -- sit there sipping coffee in a cafe in a beautiful foreign city and get warm glances from a lady looking for romance. Done the first part a zillion times, but never got to part II:( btw, you made me google Kyrzek! Was that a trap you intentionally set for the geographically curious reader?
Oh for heaven's sake! I should know to ALWAYS google my made up words to see if someone already created it! Who would have though Kyrzek has already been used?! I wrote a story once all about having a "compandroid" and then discovered someone already used it. I wrote about a race horse named "Boy Howdy" and sure enough there was a real race horse with that name... Thanks for the heads up. I will go in and change the spelling... rats!
PS - Yeah. Sorry! I know about hanging around in Euro cafes with a romantic fantasy in my head. The fantasy was always superior to the actual events. Now, I guess I am getting them down "on paper", so not entirely going to waste.
I didn't find any place called Kyrzek -- it was silly of me to try to find it in the first place since this is fiction, but somehow I felt I need to know where this city is.
There actually are references to Kyrzek - a book or video game or something. Not a real place, though. Anyway, I changed the spelling to Kyrzikk in my story. You reminded me of the importance of due diligence, Jim. Thanks.
Since Amsterdam is a real city, my mind automatically assumed that the other city in you story - Kyrzek- was also real. Sounded to me like it could be in Central Asia. To check my intuition, I googled and found zilch. Aha, I thought, Sharron set a devious trap for the likes of me and I fell for it:)
Thanks, Sharon - and thanks so much for your input! Some times the endings elude me. I still am not happy with the last bit here. When it comes to me I will fix it. ( Thank you Substack, for allowing us to do that!)
Full intention to the end of this story of visiting a foreign city with a bit of gin and bare it to boot me with a new Passport to Magonia a story to please. Your words were written with pleasure to my mind. Tickle the tushy and now I must say. Don’t change a word. Mystery is a must that best be found in the canals of the imagination.
There Once was a redhead fox from the mountain state of Vermont. She whet my stone, sharpened my knife. Her passion surpassed my desire’s that have lasted a lifetime. From woods wondrous with wanderlust that could not be achieved in a moment given to me. But the moment lasted forever in my mind; not wasted, but revealed in quiet moments at night.
The mystery continues in closing clouds that once apart possibly could come together again in another universe to reveal what we know happened before when sunshine smiles rain down splashes into a river gorge where we met a rainbow spray …
Well, I sure hope so. Especially the pastry part. But I have learned this: living IN Kyrzikk is very different interpretation from living ON Kyrzikk....
Thank you Barrie. I see the need for a lot of revision here ( now that I have sent it out...) I wanted it to be so much better, but the ending eluded me.
Not that you're asking - and ignore the thought at will - but the last reflective paragraph could go and it would still wrap up nicely ... or replace it with the girl saying "take me". Anyhoo, a cracking little story. It's kind of cool that we see the changes we need to make to our work and the edit button is close at hand in Substack. Happy revising, Sharron.
I am a firm believe in "less is more". I'd already cut three paragraphs from the end - but more trimming is necessary, I see that. I will work with your very welcome suggestion. Thank you Barrie, for your help.
I have consolidated and cut more and changed the ending. When you have time, Barrie, could you have another look, please? I would appreciate ANY suggestion you might have to improve this little story.
Love … and second time round, the fabulous line about ‘follow him to the ends of the Earth’ becomes the perfect trail of breadcrumbs. The ending reads very tightly, I’d say. If there’s a sequel I’m all in!
.. lotta ‘manoeuvring room for the next chapter of the ‘capture.. non ? 🦎🏴☠️
Maybe they will communicate with me again? One of the challenges of writing fiction - you never know when you've arrive at the end. Thanks for reading!
SHarron Sharron Sharron... One of these days you will wander off and only a few of us will know where you've gone. Send a postcard hahahaha
You think? Maybe I'd better tie a rope around my wais, and lash myself to the mast!
All this, just on the word "taken" - good!
I had two wonderful photos from Kenneth Mills to start with. Had no idea where it was going. Sometimes I am, uh, shocked where it ends up. You know how it is.
I enjoyed it, and was a little disappointed i couldn't follow their adventure. I have questions! Let me know if you write new ones about the couple. Thanks!
How nice! Every man's dream -- sit there sipping coffee in a cafe in a beautiful foreign city and get warm glances from a lady looking for romance. Done the first part a zillion times, but never got to part II:( btw, you made me google Kyrzek! Was that a trap you intentionally set for the geographically curious reader?
Oh for heaven's sake! I should know to ALWAYS google my made up words to see if someone already created it! Who would have though Kyrzek has already been used?! I wrote a story once all about having a "compandroid" and then discovered someone already used it. I wrote about a race horse named "Boy Howdy" and sure enough there was a real race horse with that name... Thanks for the heads up. I will go in and change the spelling... rats!
PS - Yeah. Sorry! I know about hanging around in Euro cafes with a romantic fantasy in my head. The fantasy was always superior to the actual events. Now, I guess I am getting them down "on paper", so not entirely going to waste.
He came, he saw, he conquered. And went home with his prize. Enjoyed this, Sharron.
Yeah, James Ron. But in my experience, these travel fantasies were mostly just fantasies. How about you? Any travel fantasies pan out for you?
"How about you?" - Ha! I wish. : )
I didn't find any place called Kyrzek -- it was silly of me to try to find it in the first place since this is fiction, but somehow I felt I need to know where this city is.
There actually are references to Kyrzek - a book or video game or something. Not a real place, though. Anyway, I changed the spelling to Kyrzikk in my story. You reminded me of the importance of due diligence, Jim. Thanks.
Since Amsterdam is a real city, my mind automatically assumed that the other city in you story - Kyrzek- was also real. Sounded to me like it could be in Central Asia. To check my intuition, I googled and found zilch. Aha, I thought, Sharron set a devious trap for the likes of me and I fell for it:)
Aw, I wish I were that clever, Jim. Ha ha ha
So many possibilities…. Was she abducted by aliens?
You tell me, Wade. Just like in real life, we don't know the whole story ...
I was quite "taken" by this story, Sharron! A sweet love story with a twist!
Thanks, Sharon - and thanks so much for your input! Some times the endings elude me. I still am not happy with the last bit here. When it comes to me I will fix it. ( Thank you Substack, for allowing us to do that!)
Full intention to the end of this story of visiting a foreign city with a bit of gin and bare it to boot me with a new Passport to Magonia a story to please. Your words were written with pleasure to my mind. Tickle the tushy and now I must say. Don’t change a word. Mystery is a must that best be found in the canals of the imagination.
Amen to that last thought! Now - go write about that!
There Once was a redhead fox from the mountain state of Vermont. She whet my stone, sharpened my knife. Her passion surpassed my desire’s that have lasted a lifetime. From woods wondrous with wanderlust that could not be achieved in a moment given to me. But the moment lasted forever in my mind; not wasted, but revealed in quiet moments at night.
It happens.
The mystery continues in closing clouds that once apart possibly could come together again in another universe to reveal what we know happened before when sunshine smiles rain down splashes into a river gorge where we met a rainbow spray …
Now I want to know what Kyrzikk is like? Do they ride bikes there? Eat pastries?
Well, I sure hope so. Especially the pastry part. But I have learned this: living IN Kyrzikk is very different interpretation from living ON Kyrzikk....
🌝
I guess she made the right decision, but a risky one.
Oh, Janice, just a silly fantasy. Thanks for reading it, kiddo!
Wonderful photos and so many questions! Sequel Please😉
Taken, indeed. A nice little twist at the end, subtly foreshadowed.
Thanks, Alexander. But I think this is still in draft form. Sometimes I post too soon and regret it. I had higher hopes for this one.
Can always go back and edit! I'm sure once I am done with Carter Part 3, there will be edits.
Beautiful unfolded …
Thank you Barrie. I see the need for a lot of revision here ( now that I have sent it out...) I wanted it to be so much better, but the ending eluded me.
Not that you're asking - and ignore the thought at will - but the last reflective paragraph could go and it would still wrap up nicely ... or replace it with the girl saying "take me". Anyhoo, a cracking little story. It's kind of cool that we see the changes we need to make to our work and the edit button is close at hand in Substack. Happy revising, Sharron.
I am a firm believe in "less is more". I'd already cut three paragraphs from the end - but more trimming is necessary, I see that. I will work with your very welcome suggestion. Thank you Barrie, for your help.
I have consolidated and cut more and changed the ending. When you have time, Barrie, could you have another look, please? I would appreciate ANY suggestion you might have to improve this little story.
Love … and second time round, the fabulous line about ‘follow him to the ends of the Earth’ becomes the perfect trail of breadcrumbs. The ending reads very tightly, I’d say. If there’s a sequel I’m all in!
Thanks so much. God, I love Substack and the generous, creative souls I have found here.
It’s the best. Pushing us all to improve and learn and feel part of a community of like minded writers (and readers). Good to feel part of something.