Pawed Cast 6: Up All Night With Raymond

FIVE MINUTES of catly news from the east side of Santa Cruz

Oct 23, 2024

Winner of an Erica Drayton “Top In Fiction” Award

It’s 3:00 am and you are tuned to UP ALL NIGHT WITH RAYMOND

Greetings to all my insomniac subscribers! Thanks for tuning in to another pawed cast where all the catly news from the east side of Santa Cruz goes out to night-people around the world. Links to previous pawed casts are below.

It’s a chilly 50˚ on this October night in Santa Cruz-by-the-Sea. A creamy full moon has risen above Ms. Fassbinder’s house, looking for all the world like a giant snicker-doodle. A couple of sleepless owls are relaying news of the day to each other from the pines in the dog park. This town becomes drowsy in the fall — the tourists leave and all September and October the local populace heaves a collective sigh and dozes off.

Pumpkins are now spilling out the doors of markets, and a heady mixed aroma fills the air — berry pie, hot apple cider and cannabis sativa. “Tune in, turn on, drop out” is still de rigueur in this part of the country.

Then… October 31st! Spirits rise and all hell breaks loose. The main street downtown will be jam-packed with medicated revelers in costume who dance for hours. Frankly I can’t tell the difference between the costumes and the regular attire of our folks. Sartorial choices are pretty non-standard in this little community all year round, and believe me they don’t wait until Hallowe’en to get stoned either…

And now for the Home Report

• Every October, I begin the involuntary process of growing my winter coat. I descend from a long line of Norwegian forest cats; winter hair growth is programmed into my genetic makeup. Even though I, personally, have never seen one flake of snow in my life, it happens every year, this bulking up. It is entirely uncalled for in coastal California, even though the temperatures do sometimes dip perilously below a frigid 50˚ …

Bellying up in the thin October sunlight, as the hair grows thicker…

South-facing hallway window, a good place for letting the hair grow…

• Mary sewed me a super-hero costume for Hallowe’en, cape and all. Who’s she kidding? If she imagines I am going to stand for that she’ll have to think again. She couldn’t get me in that suit for all the sardines in Moss Landing. On the 31st, I am curling up behind the bags of potting soil in the greenhouse until after midnight and all the candy is gone…

• Yesterday the birds in the back yard began screeching up in the eaves, squawking like banshees, so Dennis came out to investigate. I was chasing a mouse around the yard and it climbed up into the lime tree. I was just behind it, clinging to a skinny branch. Dennis yelled and threw me off my stride. The mouse disappeared somewhere in the foliage. Sometimes I wish Dennis would just butt out. I had everything under control. He can really get on my nerves…

Mouse hiding in lime tree. Mind your own business, Dennis! I got this!

• Every time I meow at Dennis to tell him I am hungry, instead of just feeding me, he feels he has to reply in cat! Why?? Doesn’t he know that when he meows at me it is just gibberish? I mean he has the sound and the accent right, sure, but he makes so many grammatical mistakes I am embarrassed for him. I wish he’d just give it up, because, you know, it’s just plain silly. Before my bedtime snack last night, he said to me, “Meow meow mew whaaaaah.” Something about a “giant banana in a bucket”? Excuse me? I love the guy, but really, I had no idea what the hell he was trying to tell me…

• I help Big D. out in the garage whenever I find the time. He’s very skilled at woodworking, plumbing, soldering, mechanics, bike repair — all that. But he often needs my expertise with strings, ropes and bungee cords. Sometimes I just hang out and watch him drink beer. Sometimes I play Hide and Seek …

• As I mentioned last May, I have been attending classes out at Cabrillo College in their Feline Life Enhancement Academy ( F.L.E.A. ) My last courses were “Hair Maintenance Made Easy”, “ Surviving the Indignity of a Low-Fat Diet”, and “Kitty-Lit 101”. I started a new feline fitness class this month, and it’s killing me. After my strenuous work outs, I can hardly crawl up onto my bench when I come home. Phew …

Turning now to the Neighborhood Cat Scan

• Nothing much to report. Marnell Street and adjacent alleys are pretty comatose tonight. The usual feral denizens — possums, raccoons, skunks and rats, are behaving, they know the rules. Dennis says I am getting soft, but I allow them to forage in the bins. What the hell — they’re hungry, harmless and un-housed…

• Garden vermin, on the other hand, are another story. I’ve now dispatched all the gophers in our yard and at three different neighboring properties, so that work is pretty much done for now. The small rodents got the word out and have scattered toward the safety of the nearby gulch and harbor…

• The only news from the dog park is that Brutus has gone missing. There are signs up on the telephone poles. That chihuahua was a real pain in the neck, so… it’s suspicious, if you ask me. But really, the only thing I know about dogs is that they slobber a lot and they will chase a stick as long as their human keeps throwing it.

• Otto-Miguel, my Chiweenie BFF, has another new girlfriend. His last four female companions did not work out. Not sure what his problem is, but I am the last guy to offer romance advice, especially of the canine variety. I listen to him but that’s it…

Well, that’s it for tonight, friends! I’m happy to announce that this pawed cast now has 429 subscribers in 42 states and 44 countries. Thank you all!

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